A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.
I'm sorry if you were right I'd agree with you.
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and...
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said Thyroid problem?
One picture is worth 1 000 denials.
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
Life is hard. After all it kills you.
A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow...
Before I refuse to take your questions I have an opening statement.
A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.
If two wrongs don't make a right try three.
I intend to live forever. So far so good.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Any kid will run any errand for you if you ask at bedtime.
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's I mean.
I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.
A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
I always had two or three jobs at the same time. I started doing yard work when I was 7 or 8. When I was 13 I got my first state job doing road construction. Between working sports and school I hardly ever had free time.
