Winning in Afghanistan is having a country that is stable enough to ensure that there is no safe haven for Al Qaida or for a militant Taliban that welcomes Al Qaida. That's really the measure of success for the United States.
As far as Iraq the important thing is that the Taliban is gone in Afghanistan three-quarters of the al-Qaida leadership is either dead or in jail and we now have Saudi Arabia working with us Pakistan working with us.
You can hold yourself back from the sufferings of the world that is something you are free to do and it accords with your nature but perhaps this very holding back is the one suffering you could avoid.